The  noble game of cricket  has degenerated to blasphemous levels lamented the distinguished jurist and former supreme court Justice V.R.Krishna Iyer on coming to learn of the auction of the players under aegis of BCCI. He went on to wonder, if  the day when the practitioners of other professions  who may also be put under the hammer, is not far-off..

The leading political parties, not to be blamed for falling standards in the auction they propose to conduct for former actor / actresses and retired sportsman, whose utility during the forthcoming election can not be under-estimated for the crowd pulling ability if not for vote -catching prowess, accordingly  approached The Election Commission and requested the same to draw some waist-lines  for strict adherence, to avoid accusations of under-cutting and hitting below the belt, during the auction and allotment of tickets. The salient points of the discussion that followed is described below :-

1. Only those sportsman who are no more of any use to the game should be auctioned. The Bolywood and Kolywood players should have graduated from hero / heroine status to mother or father and supporting roles but should still possess atleast 65 %  of their original sheen. They should possess enough of natural, and personal endowments.

2.They should read only the written script furnished by the party and not ask for additional dialogue or action and demand more glory than their leader. (Shatrughun Sinha later complained to the press that  this was a conspiracy to shut the up-coming politicians from filmdom.)

3.Jaya Lalithaa complained that  some script writers when elected to power resort to all types of acting to woo the masses and this was countered by Karunanidhi that dancing actresses when in power, should not write the script for government but restrict themselves to  providing entertainment. He also opined that  a Rajya Sabha seat may be offered to any one who belongs to the lineage of a script writer, even if it is illegitimate so long the person is of Dravidian origin.

4.The practice of giving tickets to charming  heroines should be curtailed if they are found to be involved in tax evasion thundered Chandra Babu Naidu,untill he was effectively silenced by Vijaya Shanthi, that it was an indirect attack to prevent  her to preside over Telengana as and when it is formed. She slightingly referred to" Heritage " and Naidu was more than bowled over.

5.Mayawathi demanded reservation in auction of class I actresses as the "Pichade Varg Logonke" party does not get any attractive faces and has to manage with some "Toughies" and Extras. While the Toughies are no doubt useful in-side the House at critical juncture, the lack of charming feminine faces does take its toll, she moaned.

6.Arjun Singh suggested that surrendered decoits should be accomodated in seperate quota to enable participation of all segments of society in the national endeavour as exemplified by the late Poolan Devi. Mulayam Singh while concurring with the view desired an amendment to include in the same quota, murder and kidnap convicts serving longer sentences to build a balanced society. He eulogised their services during the election process in U.P. and Bihar.

7.Rahul Gandhi objected to granting of land along "Ganga Ke Kinare"  to film actors turned politicians, the owner-ship of which may at a later date be transferred to people even as far as Mangalore while Amar Singh refuted the innuendo by quoting that people from Venice, own properties in the heart of Delhi. 

8.Raj Thakeray stood-up and eloquently argued the case of Marati manoos to whom the quota of seats from Mumbai be allotted and not to some Madrasis who had married North Indians and residing in Mumbai.Two people in the crowd  of whom it was later reliably identified as Mala and Malini walked out , promising retribution by meeting  his uncle.

9.Vasundara  opined that once the actor gets elected, he should not abscond but the great hero who was already over-worked, responded by saying that the confines of an A.C bungalow in Mumbai does not prevent him from serving the poor masses in arid Rajasthan for whom he has all the heart.

10.Naidu lamented that people from North should  poach the  Andhra market and spirit away charming faces while Amar Singh retorted by saying that rules can not be applied retrospectively . Jaya Pradha heaved a sigh of relief and heard mumbling " Manchika Kotteru , -  Ra, Ra,Na Tharavatha  Choosthamu"!

11.Amarinder Singh was happy with the election of a Sardar from his state." Phir Vee Thusi Chunga  Nai Kithie." He deprecated the tendency of saffron party to give a ticket to some one who is accused of man slaughter. Advani intervened and informed that standing instructions have been given to the M.P. not to drive his car  or take a cricket bat to parliament as a safety  measure. That settled the issue amicably.

12.Lallu complained in his characteristic style " Hare,O, Kya Wuva,Kissiko Nazar Nahi Athey  Ho!., Desh Ko Hum Ne Kya Kiya, Sab Janatha Ko Shtar Banathiya, Humaree Rabri Ko Kissiney Shtar Banaya,  Issi Ko - Mey, Ka-Ha Than-Hoo - suprason- phar word class ka !. We are frommu  backword class." He un-vieled his plan to run an all India special train from Patna, only for "Ticketless Travellers" for they hail from a Garibi society.


13.The majestic figure of Salman Khan rose and enquired, if the politician who cut the trees and burnt the buses to grow his party can have his son as a nominee for Health Minister, why can not he, be considered for Minster for preservation of  Wild Life in India. Sharmila nodded with a smile and agreed,that he has a valid point.

14.In the absence of Raj Kumar the Karnataka M.P.  who was earlier a  T.V. personality, represented that  Prime Ministers from their state should not be accused of sleeping over peoples'  problems. It was just a deep contemplation, and should not be held against them but he will  definitely keep any political  promise he makes,.she said.

15. As the conference was coming to an end there was a Dharna out-side headed by Sushma who along with  Shoba,Shabna, Renuka, Brindha  and Arundhathi, protesting that the conclave of scantily  dressed and pompous actresses hogging all the lime light, while those that passed their prime are in sun-light, despite the heat they have created and suffered in their hey days when they were most sought after.

16. A former Chief Election Commissioner who was passing by remarked "With a bit of Oil and Charcoal powder I also can lay claim to be a Toughie in bolywood, but  will these filmy clowns agree and even if I finally succeed they will appoint another two,  to make me look small " !!!!!!!!!!!!!  Jai Hind. (The band at the conference venue did not play the national anthem, as it was considered,  sub-judice.)